Johnny Carson Quotes About Funny
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself".
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
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