P. G. Wodehouse Quotes
-
It was one of those days you sometimes get latish in the autumn when the sun beams, the birds toot, and there is a bracing tang in the air that sends the blood beetling briskly through the veins.
→ -
It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.
→ -
There's a sort of wooly headed duckiness about you. If I wasn't so crazy about Marmaduke, I could really marry you Bertie.
→ -
Golf acts as a corrective against sinful pride. I attribute the insane arrogance of the later Roman Emperors almost entirely to the fact that, never having played golf, they never knew that strange chastening humility which is engendered by a topped chip shot. If Cleopatra had been ousted in the first round of the Ladies' Singles, we should have heard a lot less of her proud imperiousness.
→ -
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
→ -
A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.
→ -
She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.
→ -
They pointed out that the friendship between the two artists had always been a byword or whatever you called it. A well-read Egg summed it up by saying that they were like Thingummy and what's-his-name.
→ -
Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.
→ -
What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All around us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf? What do we get out of it? Is golf any use? That's what I'm asking you. Can you name me a single case where devotion to this pestilential pastime has done a man any practical good?
→ -
Cats, as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by the fact that in ancient Egypt they were worshipped as gods. This makes them prone to set themselves up as critics and censors of the frail and erring human beings whose lot they share.
→ -
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.
→ -
Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
→ -
...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature.
→ -
There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.
→ -
She had more curves than a scenic railway
→ -
I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat.
→ -
Jeeves, you really are a specific dream-rabbit." "Thank you, miss. I am glad to have given satisfaction.
→ -
I've just discovered the secret of golf. You can't play a really hot game unless you're so miserable that you don't worry over your shots. Take the case of a chip shot, for instance. If you're really wretched, you don't care where the ball is going and so you don't raise your head to see. Grief automatically prevents pressing and over-swinging. Look at the top-notchers. Have you ever seen a happy pro?
→ -
You probably think that being a guest in your aunt's house I would hesitate to butter you all over the front lawn and dance on the fragments in hobnailed boots, but you are mistaken. It would be a genuine pleasure. By an odd coincidence I brought a pair of hobnailed boots with me!' So saying, and recognising a good exit line when he saw one, he strode out, and after an interval of tense meditation I followed him. (Spode to Wooster)
→ -
Mr Beach was too well bred to be inquisitive, but his eyebrows here not. 'Ah!' he said. '?', cried the eyebrows. '? ? ?' Ashe ignored the eyebrows. ... Mr Beach's eyebrows were still mutely urging him to reveal all, but Ashe directed his gaze at that portion of the room which Mr Beach did not fill. He was hanged if he was going to let himself be hypnotized by a pair of eyebrows into incriminating himself.
→ -
When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.
→ -
But what is the love life of newts, if you boil it right down? Didn't you tell me once that they just waggled their tails at one another in the mating season?''Quite correct.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'Well all right, if they like it. But it's not my idea of molten passion.
→ -
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
→ -
My motto is 'Love and let love' - with the one stipulation that people who love in glass-houses should breathe on the windows.
→ -
[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.
→ -
I'm all for rational enjoyment, and so forth, but I think a fellow makes himself conspicuous when he throws soft-boiled eggs at the electric fan
→ -
I started violently, as if some unseen hand had goosed me.
→ -
It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.
→ -
I never was interested in politics. I'm quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I'm about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings.
→
Related Authors
-
Stephen Fry Comedian -
Jerome Kern Composer -
Hugh Laurie Actor -
Evelyn Waugh Writer -
Arthur Conan Doyle Physician -
Charles Dickens Writer -
Ira Gershwin Lyricist -
George Gershwin Composer -
Joseph Conrad Author -
Vladimir Nabokov Novelist -
Cole Porter Composer -
Jerome K. Jerome Writer -
Dorothy Fields Librettist -
Oscar Hammerstein II Librettist -
Seymour Hicks Actor -
Johnny Mercer Lyricist -
Douglas Adams Writer -
Terry Pratchett Author -
Sebastian Faulks Novelist -
Rudyard Kipling Writer