Ray Romano Quotes
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Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit.
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You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.
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I have this mistress: show business.
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I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.
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People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.
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In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.
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If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.
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If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.
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I have this mistress: show business. I get a lot of love and adulation from outside, and [my wife] lets me have that, while she does all the real-life stuff that counts making sure the kids are going to school and all that. I married a saint well, a saint who curses.
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I can't complain about my career, that's for sure.
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My wife gets so jealous. She came home from work and was mad at me because there was a pretty girl on the bus she thought I would have liked.
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I had a very Italian house - the "plastic furniture you couldn't sit on" house. Did anybody have the museum house? For a kid it's traumatic. Towels you can never touch. China no one's ever gonna use. Everything is for a special occasion that never happens. My mother was waiting for the Pope to show up for dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.
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I had to be naked [in Vinyl], but I was almost more nervous about having to be drunk. The director wasn't going to yell, "Too big!," during the nude scene. For the drunk scene, you can be bad drunk or good drunk. We'll see. My wife was not happy, hearing about it.
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Failure-it centers me. Too much success has me thinking, All right, what's goin' on?
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I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.
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I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.
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I love standup and I haven't given it up.
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That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.
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I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.
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Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.
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My career has been my craziest adventure.
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If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.
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I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.
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I like doing film, you know, single-camera.
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The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.
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I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.
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I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep yourself alive.
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It's starting to feel good, although I don't like feeling too good - that's not where my comedy comes from.
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I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.
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Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.
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